Episcopal Diocese of Albany - Christian Education

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Pure as the Driven Snow?

by Deacon Laurie Garramone-Rohr, Coordinator of Christian Education
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Maybe it was the fact that teenaged girls at my church had asked for a class about abstinence. Or maybe it was the dead silence at the table full of clergy when I asked the question: “How many of your churches have abstinence courses for teens?” I’ll be honest; I would not have volunteered to teach an abstinence course if I had not been directly asked. But I have long believed this: If the church isn’t teaching/preaching about abstinence and purity, we are missing out on one of our most relevant ministries. I guess I hoped someone else would feel called to teach it, but now that I’ve taught it, I feel even more strongly about the importance of the information.

First things first, I prefer the term ‘purity’ to abstinence. Abstinence seems to indicate we’re holding ourselves back from something we really want—like being on a diet and saying “No” to dessert. Purity sounds like we’re holding onto something rare and wonderful—so that’s what I call it. I believe we have an obligation to teach our kids—both at home and at church—about a Christian perspective on pre-marital sex, and they need to hear it clearly: “Sex before marriage is not o.k.” And we need to tell them why: the scriptural basis, the risks of pregnancy and sexually-transmitted diseases (STDs), and the emotional upheaval. When we say it’s not o.k. it’s because we believe that they are saving themselves for something better than the quick fix of ‘now’. We believe they are preparing to give each other the pure gift of one person to another in the context of sacramental marriage. We need to believe this if we teach it. As a mom and a teacher, I do believe it and that belief has made it easier to teach the reality of choosing purity in an impure world. Here are some guidelines to consider when teaching about purity:

Team teach with same-gender teachers: women teach girls and men teach boys. The team approach is essential when talking about controversial topics and it simply makes good sense to have another adult in the room to monitor, fill in the gaps, help plan, etc.
Only people who clearly support abstinence/purity should be asked to teach.
Be clear about the biblical basis for purity, and use translations that are easier to understand such as the Message Bible.
Be open to conversation and be prepared for questions such as: “How far can we go before it’s too far?”
Present concepts of mercy, forgiveness and grace. Talk about “Reclaimed Purity” which is when someone has been sexually active but they re-choose a life of purity. Purity is always relevant. I used the example of divorced or widowed women who also need to wrestle with reclaimed purity. Purity is a choice they may need to rely on later in life.
Bring in common cultural influences: video covers, magazines, maybe even music lyrics and explain that the world works hard to sway our values. Choosing purity is hard work, but we’ve got God on our side, and He’s a pretty powerful team player.
HAVE FUN —we made foam princess crowns that we inscribed with our ‘power word’ to help support our choices for purity. We ate junk food. We laughed at ourselves and we left feeling good about the information we shared.

Click here for PDF of Abstinence Resources. This year, give your young people the gift of purity by teaching them how and why to choose it for themselves.

Government Definition of Abstinence (PDF)

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